Winning the battle for control: figuring out who's really in the conversation

Michelangelo drew inspiration from the biblical story of the young shepherd David, who chose to fight the omnipotent giant Goliath to protect his people.

As the story goes, David's only weapon was a slingshot, and he defeated Goliath with a single, perfectly aimed shot.

Michelangelo did not choose to depict David after the battle as previous artists had done, but instead captured his contemplative moment before throwing the stone-a typical moment of reflection before he decided on his course of action.

David stood there, his brow furrowed, exuding confidence, disdain, and fearlessness, looking over his left shoulder, waiting... waiting for Goliath.

When you are threatened by impulses, whether the threat you feel is big or small, all you need to do is start with the right attitude and tools, which is self-dialogue.

Self-dialogue is an effective way to become an active participant in thinking.

It frees you from being controlled by impulsive thinking.

Self-talk provides tools to empower you to interrupt harmful thoughts and nip them in the bud.

Once you shift yourself into the active position in the struggle, you will experience an "aha" moment: you will realize that you have a choice-to rationally eliminate impulsive thinking and allow yourself to follow your original intention without hindrance.

At first, you may not realize the importance of having the concept of choice.

You might even argue its relevance: "Of course I know I have a choice. I'll choose to eat!"

On the other hand, those who compromise because of past failures may know they have a choice, but they also "know" they are too vulnerable to control their impulses and desires.

The purpose of self-dialogue is to build self-discipline muscles, giving you the power to put yourself in a position of choice.

Winning the battle of control

In the previous chapter, we mentioned the fact that humans dislike the feeling of losing control.

Whether the cause of anticipatory anxiety is an impending hurricane, recurring worries about illness or audits, or simply a bad mood caused by a bad hairstyle, the feeling of losing control sends mental commands, making people rush to regain a sense of control.

I learned in high school biology class that humans are naturally inclined to seek advantage and avoid harm. I think this is a strong argument for why humans instinctively seek a sense of control and extremely hate losing that sense of control.

I think you'd agree that you feel a sense of loss of control when you try to lose weight.

As you stare at the last slice of pizza, you bravely struggle between "should eat" and "shouldn't eat".

You won't feel stressed or out of control until the dispute is resolved.

Ultimately, you either end the struggle and regain control by wolfing down the pizza (thus ending the stress of conflicting emotions) or by shortening the moment of impulse and getting away from the table (which also ends the stress of conflicting emotions).

By choosing to eat the pizza, you have ostensibly ended the conflict.

However, the moment you swallow the last bite of pizza, a new conflict arises because you feel out of control: Why did I eat this? Oh my god, I did so well before, I messed everything up!

Experience tells me that controlling your weight is like riding a roller coaster.

One second you feel like you're in control (Wow, my day was amazing! I consumed far less than 1500 calories!), and the next you feel like you've lost control (Why did I eat a whole bag of food?).

The concepts of control and loss of control are psychological activities related to weight loss or maintaining weight.

The question remains: why is weight loss and body shaping such a volatile and unpredictable process?

Undoubtedly, we want to lose weight-if we could-to feel better and look more beautiful.

However, there is something in our bodies that stubbornly makes us slaves to impulses and desires, regardless of all the rational factors involved in weight loss.

Why do we harm our own bodies?

We try to protect ourselves from harm in various ways, yet we struggle with ourselves when it comes to food.

This is illogical.

Isn't that so?

Real-life self-training: figuring out who is actually in the conversation

Reducing calorie intake not only causes psychological stress but also physical discomfort, that much is certain.

With strong desires and impulses, we find it difficult to remain confident and resolute when struggling with painful hunger.

When you want to change the status quo, you must openly confront the challenges posed by your enemies-unfavorable environments, harmful emotions, and bad habits.

Whether your planned weight loss goals are reasonable or not seems unimportant.

When you're overwhelmed by the pressure of dieting, everything else seems pale and powerless.

What does this ultimately mean? It means that we forget our original intentions because the inner impulse to seek comfort can unintentionally overcome the inner voice of rational restraint and seize control.

Learn something from Andy's fight

Andy, 45, is an overweight accountant who suffers greatly from fast food culture.

Andy's doctor recently warned him that he was at risk of developing diabetes, and he later told me how he made the decision to change at the last minute:

A few days ago, I felt ready after get off work. I spent the whole day preparing. I was absolutely not going to stop at my usual McDonald's again! On my drive home, as I approached the golden arches of McDonald's, I started to feel a tightening in my chest. My heart was racing, my hands were gripping the steering wheel tightly, and when I was about 300 meters from the entrance, I started to panic. Honestly, I felt trembling, tense, and anxious. I didn't know if I could make it. At 200 meters, I smelled the aroma of hamburgers. The entrance appeared rapidly on my right, and I didn't know what to do... I missed the entrance! It was a terrible moment. My heart was breaking. I could still smell the hamburgers, but I tried to keep driving. I felt exhausted, upset, and even incredibly hungry!

I'd only driven a short distance when McDonald's was still within my rearview mirror, while I was torturing myself. This is insane! What am I doing? Is it really necessary to torture myself like this? Turning back wouldn't be such a big deal, would it? So I drove back. I just couldn't do it!