Tracing the childhood roots of negative body image: Reshaping inner self-esteem and body identity from an adult perspective.

Why do you have this body image? After keeping a record of your body image for a while, take a closer look at the "triggers" section. Can you recall the first time this happened in your life, the first time you started to dislike your body? Can you recall an embarrassing experience from your childhood or adolescence when you painfully discovered a "flaw" in your body? Can you recall classmates or friends joking about you? Can you recall your gym teacher or peers showing off their beautiful bodies, making you feel ashamed of your own? Can you recall dating people expressing disappointment in your appearance when you started dating? Although recalling these things is painful, it is these painful memories that prevent you from having a positive body image and affect your happy life. If you want to be happy, the only way out is to remove this stone from your heart. Let's do an exercise together: ① Write down the name of the person who made you feel that your body was "flawed," and recall what they said or did. ② Then, think about how their words or actions affected you. You are an adult now, not a child anymore. So you should look at this issue from an adult perspective. If these people judging you are your parents or other elders, consider that these are perfectionists. Are they conveying their own insecurities about their bodies to you? If adults are dissatisfied with their body image, they often become overly concerned about their children's weight and diet. For example, your mother might be overweight herself, or even if she isn't, she might have a negative body image, believing that being overweight leads to being looked down upon. Therefore, her common phrase might be, "Don't eat too much, you'll get fat, you'll be ugly, people will look down on you, you won't be able to get married..." Or, are they dissatisfied with you for other reasons but choose to criticize your body instead of directly pointing out the real reason? For example, you like to eat shrimp, but shrimp is too expensive, and your family's income is limited. You're still a child, only thinking about what you like, without seeing your mother worrying about money. When you mention shrimp, your mom gets furious, yelling, "Shrimp, shrimp! Can't you see how fat you've gotten?" If your sisters, friends, classmates, or other peers make hurtful comments about you, are they using you as a scapegoat to impress their friends? For example, some girls are actually very thin, but they're afraid the whole world won't know, so they always talk about their weight and dieting, constantly saying things like "I'm too fat" or "I'm on a diet." Or are they jealous of your achievements and want to feel better by making you unhappy? Some people aren't good-looking, but they excel in other areas. Others are jealous and always try to find fault with them. Body shape becomes the most direct excuse. Maybe they just feel uncomfortable around you and have nothing to say, so they make a joke to ease their discomfort. This is very common. Nowadays, many people, when they meet, have nothing else to say but "You've gained weight again," or "You've lost weight again." It's exactly the same as the old "Have you eaten?" He doesn't genuinely care whether you've eaten or not, nor does he genuinely care whether you're fat or thin. ③ If you have a clearer understanding of what happened and you understand the motives of the person involved, now is the time to change your perspective. Imagine that person is standing in front of you now; what would you say to them? Would you still feel the same embarrassment and unease? You are an adult now; do you still want someone like that to control your emotions and life with an unintentional remark? If your embarrassment about your body isn't solely due to one person's evaluation, and you can still re-examine the situation from an adult perspective and consider its impact on your current perspective, you will reduce a lot of your current unhappiness. Therefore, if you find other reasons increasing your dissatisfaction with your body, you should distinguish between the two and address the more important issues first, rather than focusing on your body. Re-examine your body. Look at your thoughts/feelings; do you find that you're focusing too much on parts of your body that you consider too big, too small, or not attractive enough? If so, you need to place equal attention on the beautiful parts of your body. You can write down your biggest dissatisfaction with your body on a card, and then write down the parts of your body that you find attractive. Some people say, "I'm really not good at anything, no part of me is attractive." That depends on who you compare yourself to! If you compare yourself to the handsome men and beautiful women in the media, you're just making yourself unhappy. They make a living with their bodies; do you know how much time and money they spend every day "managing" their bodies? Can't you lower your standards a little? Why do you insist on having big eyes? Don't you think that small, barely open eyes also have a kind of dreamy beauty? When you think about the "flaws" in your body, you consciously think about the attractive parts of your body. At first, this might feel a little forced or unnatural, especially if you think you're worthless. But with continued practice, you'll feel more and more natural. Eventually, you'll develop a more realistic view of yourself, and you'll focus on both the positive and negative aspects of your body. Once you're less insecure about your body parts, you can ask someone else to help you practice. Don't ask your parents or spouse. Because you're always relaxed and unguarded in their presence. It's best to find a trustworthy same-sex friend who doesn't make you feel competitive. Tell her you need her cooperation to help you relax about your body. Then, just like you would when you're looking in a mirror, show your friend the body part you want to describe, and then tell your friend how you would describe that part. Repeat this several times until you're completely comfortable with your friend's attention. When you know someone is watching you, and you remain relaxed about your body, your body image improves, and you'll be less likely to avoid activities you enjoy. You might worry that your friend will be surprised by your request. So, tell your friend beforehand that you'll be playing a fun game that she'll definitely enjoy. During the game, your friend will find it novel and eventually join in, and you'll both have a lot of fun.